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他和他的故事-年齡不是問題

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發表於 2019-2-17 14:38 | 顯示全部樓層 |閱讀模式
以下轉載於許常德Facebook...........



從今天開始,我會連載七天,把一個很重要的故事說給大家聽。
這個故事的主角即將在2/16結婚,他們委託我一個任務,希望我把他們的故事認真的說給很多人聽,最好能上新聞,登上國際媒體。
為了達成這個目標,我需要大家來幫我,我會在連載中說出我的需求,也許你就是這件事的貴人。
我需要美術、剪接和到場祝福的人(無償幫忙)。

照片是他當年私訊我的截圖,還原這故事一開始的原貌。
這篇連載的英文翻譯,是主角翻的。

《連載⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

2019年情人節的隔一天的隔一天正好是二月十六號,我要去苗栗參加一個特別的婚禮,這個「特別的婚禮」是我一手造成的,一切的源頭來自七年前我在臉書回覆了一位高中生的來信⋯⋯

2012年的冬天,我在我的臉書粉絲團收到一封很不一樣的來信,那是我在臉書回覆信件的第二年,由於我大都是在回覆愛情與婚姻的問題,來信者九成五以上是女性,對於男性署名的來信就會特別注意,尤其這封來信者是高二的男生,高二生會問什麼問題呢?

信中,他顯得憂心忡忡,他的父親不許他讀他想讀的語文科系,執意要他讀理科,為了這件事,他憂鬱症發病,非常想不開,想問我有何解決之道?

如今,我已到了回想八年前的事有點困難的年紀,所以我請這位主角幫我調出八年前他寫給我的信(請看私訊截圖),讓大家看原汁原味的「問與回」,信件來回就不多贅述,但我深深記得那次的結尾,我告訴他那個月我有個講座,在高雄「樂33音樂酒吧」,請他把爸爸騙來我的講座,或許我可以跟你爸爸當面溝通。

當時我並沒有仔細看這位高中生的資料,只是想用最快速的方式來試試有無轉機,因為他暑假後就要選學科了。

他的爸爸是怎樣的個性,我也沒多問,只知道是苗栗人,是個大家族。父母在他很小的時候就離婚了,他對於媽媽離婚後都沒跟他聯絡很不諒解,也因此對爸爸相當依賴,一方面很想做到爸爸的期待,一方面又知道自己做不到爸爸的期待,這個反差深深折磨著他。

其實我並沒有把握能改變什麼,但那時候,我就是很同情他的處境,如果我們的人生不能自己決定方向,甚至要去讀自己一點興趣都沒有的科目,這跟⋯⋯和ㄧ個自己不愛的人結婚,有什麼兩樣呢?

高雄講座那天,我開講前,我收到他的留言,他告訴我他辦到了,他跟他的爸爸會到場。

樂33是高雄知名的音樂酒吧,所以正常的氣氛是陰暗的,我一上台,就看到我的左前方坐著一對父子,我說過了,來我場子的幾乎都是女性。

大家都是來聽我說感情,看到這對父子,我就跟大家直接破題,把他們的問題第一個說給大家聽,過程裡,我問這次的車資誰付的,高中生舉手說是他,那時我才驚覺,哇,他的問題真的很困擾他,不然高中生怎麼可能花這些錢去外縣市聽講座,連大人都覺得很浪費好不好。

好了,離題了⋯⋯大家一定很想知道,這個講座我講了什麼,這位爸爸又反應了什麼,是吧,明天,會繼續連載(有人知道這故事的不要劇透喔)。

Best Wishes for Tomorrow

I am going to attend a very special wedding in Miaoli on the 16th of February, two days after Valentine’s day. I consider this wedding ‘special’ because I sort of made it happen, and everything taking place now can be traced back to a Facebook message I responded to seven years ago, which was written by a high-school student.

In the winter of 2012, I received a most unusual message on my Facebook page. It was only the second year since I started doing this Facebook correspondence thing with my readers, and almost all the messages were written by women, probably because I was mostly answering questions about relationships or marriages. Therefore, it piqued my curiosity when I got a message from a guy, especially when the message was from a high-school student. I was wondering what he would be asking about.

From his words, I could sense his anxiety. His father would not allow him to further his studies in the field of languages and arts, and insisted that his son should take up engineering studies. This gave him a relapse of his depression, and so he wanted to seek some ‘answer’ from me.

Today I asked him to send me a copy of the messages he wrote me eight years ago because I have reached the age when I have trouble recalling what happened such a long time ago. I will not focus too much on the details of our correspondence - you can directly refer to our conversation in the photos if you may. Though I might have forgotten some of the details of the event, I still remember vividly what happened eventually. I remember having told him that I would be giving a talk in Lot 33 in Kaohsiung at the end of the month, and I asked him to ‘trick’ his father into showing up so that I could talk to his father directly.

I did not really have much time to go through everything. I was trying to sort this out as soon as possible because his fate would be decided by the summer.

I had no idea about what his father was like, and I did not even ask about it. The only thing I knew about him was that he was from a huge family in Miaoli, and he and his wife got divorced a long time ago. His son could not understand why his mother lost contact with him, so he became quite clingy with him. This put him in a predicament where he wanted to meet his father’s expectations but knew deep down he would not be able to. This mental contradiction tormented him a lot.

To be honest, I was not certain at all whether I could change anything, but I just felt very sorry for him. If we cannot decide how we want to live our lives, and are even forced to do things we have no passion for, is it not like marrying someone we do not truly love?

On the day of my talk, I got a message from him before I began. He told me he would show up with his father. As I stepped on the stage, I saw a father with his son. As I mentioned, most of my readers/audience were female, so this helped to spot them in the crowd. Everybody was there for my talk on relationships, but I started the event talking about their problem.

Well, you must be quite curious as to what I had to say and how his father reacted to my ‘interrogation’. I will post more tomorrow, so stay tuned….





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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:40 | 顯示全部樓層
《連載八 之二⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

2013年二月一日,如果你有參加高雄樂三三的講座,如果你有當天的錄音、錄影、照片或是更細節的回憶,歡迎你告訴我,或放在留言處,當時的氛圍,我們一起來「完整」。

我忘了我當天講了什麼,但我記得他的爸爸有上台,這位爸爸還沒上台,我就被他的笑容安了心,一上台,他就謝謝大家在他還沒鑄下大錯前阻止了他,讓他沒有成為惡爸爸。他的乾脆、熱血懺悔感動了現場的人,那是我多場講座中很難忘的一次開場⋯⋯但,我還是要請曾參加該場的人,讓這位跟我同年齡的爸爸當天動人的說話完整重現,相信看過現場的人一定也印象深刻。

這兩天,我跟主角要照片,他說他只找到一張,是他爸爸上台跟我的合照,由於他們坐在台前最左邊位子,所以只拍到他爸爸的側影,對照去年我幫他們籌備婚紗照的爸爸,八年來,這位爸爸風霜不少。他先是經歷了兒子的成長考驗、接著自己經歷了中年再婚、不久經歷了中年得子,然後,現在兒子又要辦一場可能會在台灣,甚至在台灣以外的國際媒體上曝光的婚禮,這些一連串巨大轉折都用力考驗著這位土生土長從未離開過苗栗的閩南爸爸,奇怪的是,他完全不卡,而且舉一反三,勤於發問。

從那次講座後,他的爸爸就變成我的老友,他會送他種的盆栽樹給我,他婚前會問我自己的感情問題,他會帶他們全家人跟我聚餐,他曾請我在他新婚妻生日那天送一朵花到妻子上班地點給她驚喜⋯⋯ 其實不知不覺這些年我們的回憶已比家人還親了。

八年來,我們大概一兩年才碰一次,反正我的臉書不打烊,就不會斷了聯繫。

2018年初,主角又來了一封很慎重的訊息,他說他的憂鬱症又發了,不知道能否跟我見面聊聊。

兩天後,我們見面了,一見面,他就跟我說他長期睡不著,情緒很緊繃。然後,他說他要說一件很難啟齒的事。然後,他還是沒說,最後,當然他就說了。

他說的這件事,其實我沒有意外,真正讓我意外的,是他說出的「這個人」⋯⋯怎麼會是這個人,不要說他爸爸猜不到,連他自己都很意外,因為他從來沒有喜歡或交往過這一款。

「你是擔心你的父親不能接受他嗎?」我問。
「也不是擔心,就是⋯⋯這件事不管到哪裡的接受度都很低,很多人會懷疑我的動機!」他說。

他說的沒錯,要不是我認識這位主角,知道他的為人,不然我真的會懷疑他是為了愛嗎?如果連做愛都不能的話?

《待續》
圖:2013年二月一日在高雄樂三三,他的爸爸上台和我對話,那時他的爸爸很年輕。

Wishes for Tomorrow: Part 2

Please feel free to contact me if you were also there in Lot 33 that night and happened to have any record of the event (photos, audio recordings, videos, etc.). Let’s restore the ‘lost’ memory together.

I have forgotten what I said then, but I am sure his father stepped onto the stage to join me. As he made his way to the stage, I already felt much relieved by his smile. He began his talk thanking everybody for stopping him before it was too late. He was glad that he did not become a terrible father. He made his confession and owned up to his mistake without making any excuses. It was a rather special and unforgettable way to start a talk like that.

For the past few days, I have asked the son for photos taken then, but he could only locate one, which was taken from the side because of the seating arrangement. I contrasted this photograph with the ones from the wedding-photo shoot I arranged for them last year, and was very surprised to see how much the father has been ‘weathered’ by all the years gone by. For all those years, he has had plenty of brand-new experiences: his son’s change, his second marriage, and a new arrival in the family; now, his son is going to have a wedding that might make the headlines both locally and internationally. He has been faced with all the twists and turns in his life, but interestingly, he has never been frustrated; instead, he has always been open and willing to embrace new ideas. It is never easy to take on such challenges, especially for someone like him, who has spent all his life in Miaoli, a rather conservative part of Taiwan.

After the event in Kaohsiung, we became close friends. He gifted me his bonsai, asked me questions about relationships, invited me to eat with his family, and even asked me to present a bouquet of flowers to his wife at her workplace. We do not see each other very often, but we know we can always get in touch.

At the beginning of 2018, the son texted me again. He said he had another relapse of his old problem and would like to talk to me in person. We managed to meet up two days later. He told me he had been suffering mentally and had trouble sleeping. Then he said he had something to tell me, but he could not really do it. After a long while, he did. I was not at all surprised at what he had to say but the person involved. He said he was also quite surprised because he had never had a crush on, not to mention dating, that type of person in the past.

I asked him, ‘Are you worried because you are not sure whether your father can accept this?’ ‘It is not like that, really. I mean, it is probably not a done thing anywhere in the world. People might cast doubt on my motive.’ replied he.

He was quite right, actually. If I did not know him personally, I would also doubt whether he really loved this person, because they could not have sex.

(To be continued…)

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:42 | 顯示全部樓層
《 連載八 之三⋯⋯給明天的祝福 》

主角的名字終於要⋯⋯要出現了,可見要露出真名對他有多掙扎,就表示這一件事的曝光不只和他有關,會牽連很多人,認識他的人都可能去問他的家人,怎麼問?怎麼傳?怎麼難聽?他最擔心爺爺奶奶招架不住,一度,他退縮了,他問我,能不能什麼都不曝光?

我跟他說,我不知道你能承受多少?這個你要自己決定,當你想透過媒體傳播一些什麼,你最好把這件事想成是大家的事,而不是侷限在你和他的事,把高度訂高一點,你才不會徬徨,你才知道你是為了什麼做這一件事?你才會有能力影響大家來完成這一件事。

聽完我這麼說,他說,他願意盡力去做。

他叫趙守泉,24歲。因為爸爸不再規定他讀什麼,他選擇了英文系。

他是大二第一次去英國玩時,透過朋友的朋友認識Andy的,那時候他幾乎都跟他待在一起,因為他被他的朋友放生了。

後來他們一直有聯繫,等到同年暑假他升大三時,他飛來台灣找守泉⋯⋯那時他們才在一起的。隔年暑假守泉為了Andy,去捷克布拉格做交換學生,因為英國太貴了,所以他只能去相對台灣近的布拉格,然後Andy有去找守泉,守泉學期一結束就飛去英國找他。

Andy第一來台灣時,是跟守泉班上的一位倫敦的同學一起來的。守泉說,那次的某個早晨,也不知道是怎麼的,房門沒鎖地突然被爸爸推開了,爸爸可能要叫他們去早餐吧,門一推開卻發現床上有兩個男人全身赤裸著睡覺,那一刻我們三人都太驚慌了,還好結束的也極快,只有一秒鐘吧,爸爸說了對不起,然後關上門,走了。

之後,爸爸沒提這件事,一方面是尷尬,他可能會想歐洲人睡覺可能都不穿衣服,而且那年暑假超熱。另一方面,爸爸可能也沒來得及看清楚是哪兩個人吧,問,那也太尷尬了吧!

守泉是很容易鑽牛角尖想事情的人,他把這事的嚴重性無限擴大,大到好幾個月嚴重失眠,最嚴重時曾將近一週沒睡過。

他的焦慮偶爾在臉上微微抽動著,我卻一點沒給同情地說說:「你真的不了解你的爸爸,我覺得他比你想得開想得新,你直接跟他說,他一定是支持你的啦!」

這話不是為了讓他好過而編出來的,是他爸爸自從那次在高雄被我打通了任督二脈,從此突飛猛進,也會私訊我問題,早就是我的信徒啦!結果,守泉照我的話去跟爸爸說,他說爸爸的反應不僅很直接,而且很時尚,爸爸說:「反正我有三個兒子,你不能傳宗接代沒關係!」後來,還外加一個彩蛋,他跟守泉說:「日子是你們自己在過,不用管別人怎麼想!」

其實,聽到他這麼說時,我的眼眶熱熱的,這個爸爸在觀念調整這條路上,我若能給分,一定給他一百分。雖然他的舉例很可笑,但這句支持的話,比全苗栗人都來出席婚禮還有價值。

爸爸連驚訝都沒有就祝福他們了,可見爸爸早就懷疑他是同志了,只是,他很貼心地幫守泉保守秘密。接著,爸爸問:「是你的同學嗎?」

守泉說不,之後,爸爸就沒再說什麼了,然後電話就掛了。想很多的守泉又陷進長考,到底爸爸的沈默是什麼意思呢?

這次守泉會找我,是找我的最後期限到了,因為Andy在一個月後,要來台灣過寒假。同時Andy想跟他結婚,這次來也是要跟爸爸表達這個消息。雖然爸爸已給了他們祝福,但對方年紀這麼大,這樣的婚姻,任誰聽到都該瞪大眼睛張大嘴巴好幾天吧,都不知道該怎麼回覆啊!

是的,
守泉24歲。
爸爸小我三歲,54歲。
Andy,75歲。

光想親眼目睹這個畫面,我就立刻答應了,我說我願意到場來幫他們化解尷尬。同時,我心裡暗自想幫他們籌備拍一組很不一樣的婚紗照,雖然只是閃過的一個念頭,但我光是想著⋯⋯就起雞皮疙瘩了。

《 待續⋯⋯這張照片是趙爸爸帶我們去採草莓,我在另一頭看到他們一起走過來的合照 》
《 翻譯:趙守泉 》

Best Wishes for Tomorrow: Part 3

So now I will ‘expose’ the son’s name. This was not easy for him and it indeed took him a long time and a lot of courage to get himself prepared. He knew that once his name was given away, this would involve more people than just him and his partner. He was so worried that he even asked me if it was possible not to give away his information, because he feared that people might start bugging his family. He did not want them to be troubled in any way, especially his grandparents.

However, I said to him, ‘I do not know how much pressure you can take. You have to decide for yourself. Think of it this way: this is not just about you guys – it is also about everybody else. Once you can see the whole picture like that, you will be alright, and then you will be able to complete the task.’

So after our conversation, he promised me he would do it. His name is Chao, Shou-Chuan (aka Ethan), and he is 24. He was doing English studies at university because his father let him follow his heart. His partner is Andi. They met through a friend when Shou-Chuan first visited the UK. He spent all his time with Andi because his friend stood him up.

They were always in touch with one another, and in the summer of 2016, Andi flew to Taiwan to see Shou-Chuan, and that is the moment they agreed to be an item. Last summer, Shou-Chuan decided to spend an exchange term in Prague, and he did this mostly for Andi. He did not go to England for his exchange study because life is too expensive there, but Andi managed to fly out to see Shou-Chuan in Prague and Shou-Chuan also flew to see Andi as soon as the term was over.

Shou-Chuan once told me about an embarrassing moment, which might be the reason why his father knew about their relationship. One morning, his father, for some reason, opened his bedroom door, which was supposed to be locked, and saw two naked men on the bed. They were all scared and so his father apologised immediately and left without hesitation.

His father never mentioned this, probably because he was too embarrassed and thought it was only natural that Europeans go to bed naked, or simply because he did not know what to say.

Shou-Chuan was very worried and so his depression returned. He was worried that his father would not be able to accept this, and he also did not want his family to be ashamed of him.
He had been sleepless for a few months due to his depression.

He was very anxious, but I took no notice. I said to him, ‘You don’t really know your father, do you? I actually feel he is more liberal than you think. Why don’t you just ask him and see what he says? I am sure you will be surprised.’

I did not say that just to make him feel better. I did it because I knew his father well enough after the event in Kaohsiung.
I knew he became my ‘follower’ because he always asked my opinions on certain things.

So Shou-Chuan did it. He spoke to his father about it and his father was completely okay with it. His father even said to him, ‘Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter if you can’t have children. I have three other sons that can do it. You are the one living your life, so don’t let what others think bother you.’
I was actually in tears when I heard that. His father has really ‘grown up’ a lot. He took it in without any surprise, so obviously his father knew he was gay, but he was being thoughtful and so did not out him. He only asked him whether or not his partner was one of his classmates, and he said nothing more after his question was answered.

Shou-Chuan came to me again a few months ago because Andi was thinking about flying to Taiwan in January and marrying Shou-Chuan. Although his father already approved of their relationship, it might still be too much for him because of the age difference.

You would be able to relate to his struggle if you know their age difference:

Shou-Chuan is 24, his father 54 (three years my junior), and Andi 75.

Shou-Chuan asked me if I could help him, and I said yes to his request without hesitation because I would also like to see how his father would approach this. Meanwhile, I was thinking about arranging a very special wedding shoot. It gave me goose pimples just to think about it.

(To be continued….)
*This photo was taken when we went strawberry-picking in Miaoli. I took it when they all walked towards me.

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:44 | 顯示全部樓層
《連載八 之四⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

我是搭高鐵到苗栗站,守泉說趙爸爸會開車載他和Andy來接我。這一天碰巧遇到寒流,趙爸爸提議帶我們去採草莓和吃客家菜。我在私下問守泉,昨晚到今晨趙爸爸跟Andy有聊什麼嗎?狀況還好嗎?守泉說,由於趙爸爸英文也不行,所以沒交談什麼,不過想要結婚的想法已跟爸爸說了。

這半天的四人遊,有三個畫面跟大家分享,第一是我見到Andy的感覺。他本人看起來沒那麼老,不過他的行動比我想像中老,比如他下車,會先把一腳抬下地,另一腳再下地,行動明顯不是那麼俐落。除了這個,他在其他方面會盡量表現年輕,比如快跑樓梯,比如吃冰淇淋⋯⋯守泉每次看到他這樣,都會提醒他慢慢來,但反而會讓Andy不高興(這樣的狀況在兩天後,Andy到台北旅遊時躍上樓梯摔倒了,鼻子還骨折)。也就是說,在愛情裡的人,都是很想表現良好的。

二是,在聊天的過程,發現Andy因為上一段感情讓他受了重傷,他已三十多年沒有談過戀愛。這次會在這年紀決定戀愛和結婚,不要說是守泉家人感到意外,連Andy的親朋也很震驚,這個年紀,為愛飛了大半地球來會情人,真的很有誠意,也超浪漫。守泉說,他自己以前的情人都是年齡相仿的,也從不是Andy這樣的菜,連他自己都搞不清楚是為了什麼。不過,Andy說了一句話很感動他,由於Andy的年紀和身體因素,無法給守泉完整的性愛,他曾跟守泉說,守泉可以去外面解決他的需要,他不介意,因為他知道守泉有需求,而且相信守泉都會回到他身邊,所以他不會在意守泉去外面怎麼樣。

三,這天剛好是趙爸爸的妻子的生日,這位妻子才新婚,小趙爸爸二十多歲,剛生了個三歲大的小兒子。趙爸爸希望給妻子一個意外的驚喜,希望我幫他送一束花到她妻子的上班地點給她。由於中途又轉向趙爸爸的中油工作處參觀一個古蹟,導致我要搭高鐵回台北的時間有點緊張,眼看很可能快趕不上,趙爸爸仍是堅持要完成這個任務。好不容易買到了花,我們來到他的妻子上班的中油加油站,趙爸爸太緊張了,結果逆向駛進加油停靠區,結果她的妻子就瞪大眼睛說開錯方向了(可能她也認出這是老公的車子),她走過來時已有點生氣⋯⋯但,看到下車拿著花束的我,眼睛瞪得更大了。

是的,這一天的行程就在趕車中完成了,我也順利搭上高鐵,在車上,我跟趙爸爸說沒趕上,就搭下一班啊,我很開心能一再成為你們全家人的月老先生。

回到台北,守泉又打電話給我,他說他們決定在倫敦登記結婚,但由於英國的法律會防範假結婚的狀況,他和Andy的奇特案例,很容易讓人以為是為了錢或為了移民才結婚,守泉問我有沒有什麼辦法可以幫助他們向英國政府證明我們不是有目的性的結婚。

我想了兩天,擬了一個特別企劃,守泉和Andy覺得不錯,於是一切就往不知道會怎麼樣的方向熱情前進了。

於是,我想幫他們的故事寫一首歌,找一些人一起來完成這個任務,於是我找了作曲者、找了專業剪接公司免費後製,還有攝影師友人與專業演唱者。如果可以,我會把這個故事寫成文字,在我臉書連載,並找同志協會來發媒體報導。

這兩天也有美術專業進來幫忙,最後,只剩下一個難題要解決⋯⋯希望多一些到場祝福的人。

二月十六日是他們在台灣的結婚日,婚宴訂在苗栗,如果你想給這樣一對新人祝福,希望這一天下午三點,我們一人帶一朵花,去給他們祝福好不好?集合的地點如下,我們可以搭車到苗栗火車站,下午三點約在前站的廣場。

趙爸爸家是大家族,辦婚禮光是家族的人就可能有十桌,但這次很擔心爺爺奶奶招架不住,所以都沒有發帖子給親戚,目前預計不到三桌。不過,我還是希望這個祝福能「澎湃」一點,所以,你們能來嗎?讓全世界都看到台灣人在同志婚禮的動人支持。

結婚總要有結婚照吧,那一天在趕高鐵的車上,我告訴守泉,我預計年後就幫他們拍,結果聽到這消息,Andy立即問要花多少錢?我說台北有家高級婚紗店願意贊助他們禮服與捧花,一切免費,這是台灣人要給他們的溫暖祝福。

跟大家預告,婚紗照的拍攝過程和結果,又是一波高潮,很多看過照片的人,眼眶都濕濕的。

《待續》

Best Wishes for Tomorrow: part 4

I went to Miaoli by HSR. Mr Chao, together with Andi and Shou-Chuan, picked me up at the station. We decided to go strawberry-picking and try some Hakka cuisines.

I asked Shou-Chuan whether his father talked to Andi at all, and the answer was no, because he did not speak very good English, but he did know that his son and his partner were going to tie the knot.
-
So my first impression of Andi was that he looked younger than I thought, but the way he walked and acted, physically, betrayed his age, which was easy to see particularly when he got out of a car.

He was not always showing his age though. He would try to prove himself young by, for example, running up the stairs or consuming a lot of ice cream. Every time Shou-Chuan saw him behaving this way, he would ask him to take it slowly, but this sort of offended Andi, because he did not consider himself that old, which goes to show that everyone in a relationship would like to present the best part of themselves. Knowing that Andi disliked being reminded of his age, Shou-Chuan did not do it again, and two days later, Andi fell and broke his nose in Taipei.

Another thing I learnt was that Andi had not been a relationship for more than thirty years because he was hurt too much in the last one. His friends and family were very surprised at his decision, but they gave their best wishes. Isn't it lovely and sweet for someone at this age to fly all the way just to see his lover?

Shou-Chuan told me that he never dated anyone so much older than himself, and Andi was not his type of guy, looks wise. He did not know himself why he loved him so much. Yet, Shou-Chuan was very touched and surprised when Andi told him that he wouldn't mind if Shou-Chuan needed to find someone else for sexual purposes because he knew that he needed it, but he couldn't satisfy his needs due to his age and well-being. Andi did not mind this because he knew that Shou-Chuan would always come back to him.
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The day of my visit happened to be Mrs Chao's birthday. She was twenty years younger than her husband, and they had a three-year-old boy. Mr Chao wanted to surprise her, so he asked me to present a bouquet of flowers to her at her workplace. I was not sure if I would be able to do this, as I was almost late catching a train for Taipei, but Mr Chao insisted we should do this, so I got the flowers and we rushed to her workplace. Mr Chao was probably very nervous because he was driving on the wrong side of the road. This annoyed his wife as it could be very dangerous. She looked quite mad as she walked towards the car, but she was very surprised when she saw me with some flowers in my hand.

Luckily, I did not miss the train after all the 'shenanigans'. I did not mind if I did not make it, though, because there was always another train anyway, and so I told Mr Chao that I was very honoured to be their Cupid.

Upon my arrival in Taipei, Shou-Chuan rang me up again. He informed me of their decision to form a civil partnership in the UK, but England had the most rigid regulations regarding international marriages, and considering their age difference and everything else, their marriage might not be approved of by the government.

He asked me if there was anything I could do to help them. A few days later, I told them my ideas, which they both found excellent. So, I decided to write a song about their story and complete the task with the help of more people. I worked with professionals in different fields and eventually managed to have the song finished. Meanwhile, I was thinking about writing and posting their story on my Facebook and also having the story published through some LGBT groups and media.

We have almost everything we need now, but we still need some more help from you - we need more people to be there and give their best wishes to the couple.

Their wedding will take place in Miaoli on the 16 of February. If you would like to be part of it and give your best wishes to them, bring some flowers and come along!

This wedding is a rather small one, as they did not invite all the family members (they did not wish to embarrass Shou-Chuan's grandparents.). But I still want to make it memorable and so would like to invite you to join the celebrations and show the world how much a gay wedding is supported in Taiwan.

I told Shou-Chuan that day when I was on the train back to Taipei that I was going to arrange a wedding shoot for them. Upon hearing this, Andi asked me about the cost. I told him not to worry. There was a very posh wedding business whose owners would like to sponsor the photo shoot. It was all free because they would like to give their best wishes to you.

So you can look forward to the photos. They are very touching.

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:45 | 顯示全部樓層
《連載八之五⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

他們的愛情是什麼樣子呢?

採草莓的這個冬季似乎是他們結婚的序曲,確定要結婚後,守泉才有餘力告訴我,Andy對他做過的浪漫事,以及他對Andy做的浪漫事。

2018二月二十八日這天,Andy回去萊斯特了,守泉送完機回到家中,就發現他的床上的棉被裡夾了一封信和一個玩偶,這封手寫的信我就原封不動放上照片給大家看,請大家自行閱讀,這類的文字特別容易動人的原因是⋯⋯老派但有效。

原來我們對婚姻幸福的定義是很傳統的,就是那些很像廢話的情話、那些電視電影不斷出現的結婚儀式、那些七嘴八舌的關心、那些後來才會覺得不舒服的約束、那些固執的勒痕殘酷的親情脆弱的諾言不斷地介入其中⋯⋯不管我怎麼反面提醒,他們都不會退卻,是的,這就是愛情。

守泉把這封信定位成求婚信。

大四最後一學期,守泉除了畢業考,還要準備婚紗照。這次拍照是我找一些朋友一起無償完成的,謝謝蘿亞結婚精品提供的禮服,謝謝katy的動人掌鏡,謝謝林炳存大師場地提供,謝謝Michelle 的妝髮贊助,謝謝守泉的同學們的一起到場祝福合照。

拍照前,他們先到中山北路試禮服,試穿好的那一刻,有一瞬間,他們像極三大男高音在合體,有一種很自信又溫柔的魅力,我很高興有參與這件事。

幾天後,一群人在攝影棚拍照,那天我們拍了雙人結婚照、父子三人照、同學祝福照,最後一張,我突然跟大家說,我們來拍一張跟你旁邊的人親吻的照片好嗎?不管是男生或女生!同學們都放得很開,一下子就拍完了。

(今天,我特地選了幾張我喜歡的照片,如果那時我們沒有拍結婚照的衝動,這一切可能就不存在了。)

之後,守泉又去了趟英國,這是他大學畢業後的試婚之旅吧,這一趟最大的意義,就是接受愛情以外的考驗,考驗相差五十歲的這對夫妻怎麼共度餘生?二十四歲的守泉能否照顧七十五歲的另一半?萬一不適合要離婚,兩人夠成熟面對嗎?

當然,他們是有計畫的,包括守泉去萊斯特後的工作、生活上的分工,以及是否要繼續求學。只是,這段適婚期發生的第一個考驗,又讓守泉陷進憂鬱的長巷了。

長話短說這件事:在倫敦,Andy的住所,那時還住了一對父子,當初Andy是同情他們的處境讓他們暫住,沒想到這對父子不僅付了一段日子房租後就沒付了,還不給搬走的期限繼續住著,最可怕的是他們對Andy和他的態度很不友善,甚至有語言暴力。

守泉覺得這件事不處理,就等同家中埋了不定時炸彈,他認為Andy很軟弱很怕他們,他擔心語言暴力的下一步就是肢體暴力。不過,Andy的沒有那麼悲觀,他覺得那些情緒語言都是伴隨個性來的,沒那麼嚴重。兩人常常為此吵架,甚至,憂鬱症又來了。

守泉從萊斯特給我留訊息,問我該怎麼辦?
我說,對於Andy的人生,你才要剛剛了解,所以,你目前最好的方式就是支持Andy,不用亂想他會受到什麼危險,你就相信他有能力和智慧處理這件事,他比你大這些歲不是沒有意義的,相愛的第一課,就是學習信任,而不是自以為是的擔心。

我的這段回話似乎有了效用,他後來跟我說,他決定當個力挺另一半的人,說也奇怪,那一刻後,他們就和好去旅遊了,然後,年底前,那對父子也搬走了。

《待續》

Best Wishes for Tomorrow: Part 5


The winter we went strawberry-picking together seemed to be the beginning of everything. Shou-Chuan started to share with me all the sweet things they did to each other after they decided to spend the rest of their lives together.

Shou-Chuan saw Andi off at the airport, and when he returned to his own flat, he noticed there were a stuffed toy and a letter on his bed. You can locate the letter in one of the photos. Writing letters is very old-fashioned, but it is very touching and always works.

Shou-Chuan considered this letter to be Andi’s proposal.

Apart from taking his last final exams, Shou-Chuan was also preparing for the wedding shoot, which was sponsored by many friends of mine. I have to thank Royal Wedding for the suits, Katy for the lovely photos, Joshua Lin for the studio, Michelle for the makeup, and Shou-Chuan’s friends for joining the shoot and giving their best wishes to the couple.

They tried their suits out at Royal Wedding, and the moment they finished dressing up, they looked charming in a gentle and confident way, just like The Three Tenors. I felt very lucky to be part of the event.

A few days later, we went to Jousha’s studio for the shoot. There were plenty of photos taken and at the end of the shoot, I asked them to kiss whoever that was next to them, girls or boys. They did not have any trouble with that at all, so we went through the whole thing quite easily. In retrospect, if we did not do this then, perhaps everything that is happening now would not have happened.

A few months later, Shou-Chuan was off to the UK again. It was like a trial marriage, which was, in a way, testing them how they were going to cope with life together. Could Shou-Chuan look after his other half properly? What happens if they no longer wanted to be together? Would they be able to deal with it?

They did have plans about their future, like what Shou-Chuan was going to do for work and who would be sorting out the chores. However, something happened during their trial marriage, which put Shou-Chuan back in the hands of depression.

To cut a long story short, back in that time, Andi was sharing his house with a guy and his father, whom Andi put up for some reason, but the son did not pay his rent and even ignored the notice of moving out. This was not the worst part – he was very nasty towards Andi, and even abused him verbally.

Shou-Chuan decided something had to be done. He knew that Andi was very soft and even feared them, but he was worried that maybe some physical violence would be inflicted upon his partner. Andi obviously did not think that. He told Shou-Chuan that people said things they did not mean when they were angry. They argued over this very often and this upset Shou-Chuan very much.

So Shou-Chuan dropped me a message again. He wanted a solution from me. I told him, ‘You do not know much about Andi’s life yet, so the best thing to do now is to give your support to Andi. He will not be hurt in any way, so just have faith that he can sort this out – he is far more experienced in life than you are. The first lesson you should learn about love is to trust your partner. Just let him do it. You shouldn’t worry too much.’

He took my advice and decided to fully support his partner. Then magically, they patched things up and went travelling together. And soon after, the situation in the house was sorted.

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:50 | 顯示全部樓層
《連載八之六⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

這八篇連載,都是當天寫,當天po。所以,每天下筆的時候,多少會受到當天發生的事影響。

這六天來,其實有很多變化,故事陸續曝光,變化就陸續複雜,所有在文中出現的地址和人都捲進這個變化裡,於是家人的壓力就來了,尤其是在純樸的小鎮。

家人受到壓力後,開始退避起來,所以,我的連載不再放他們兩人以外的人的合照,我也建議守泉,專心把這個婚禮辦好,不主動接觸媒體,後續的進行盡量不要麻煩到家人。對於想要報導的媒體,仍可直接和守泉聯絡,如果守泉有時間和意願,就會接受採訪。

對於媒體的訪題,我提醒守泉在接受採訪前,請媒體先給他訪題,讓他回答有時間準備。拿到訪題後,守泉傳了其中一個最大的問題給我:「這次的婚禮有想要為平權發聲嗎?」。

我問守泉,自己的想法呢?
他說,Andy很尊重他的決定,他覺得台灣人很友善,讓他很安心,他唯一擔憂的,是爺爺奶奶會不會壓力過大。而他自己倒是很放鬆,他覺得他比很多人幸福太多了,有爸爸的力挺,有那麼多人的幫忙,他心裡都是滿滿感謝。對於平權,他沒有能力主張什麼,但這次的婚禮讓他對「祝福」有全新的體會,那就是⋯⋯這麼多的愛,讓他對「家人的祝福」有不一樣的體悟,他突然有了很多耐心,他深深相信,未來一定有祝福。

他的這個耐心,讓我對這次婚禮突然有了安心。是的,他終於找到結婚的初心了,婚後是一輩子的,怎能沒有耐心。

我說,嗯,我們就這樣往前行吧,最重要的是不打擾鄰居家人,用最安靜的方式祝福,體諒有些人還無法接受,輕輕輕輕地,讓婚禮的這一天簡單美好。

守泉的家人希望媒體和關心此事的人不要打擾他們的社區,所以特地把祝福的場地挪到苗栗火車站旁的「苗栗鐵道文物展示館」,守泉和Andy會著正式禮服三點準時到現場,接受大家的祝福和合照。

我為他們寫的歌,此刻尚未完成,這首歌會在二月底前曝光,MV是整個八年故事的過程畫面,這不是爭取平權的活動,這是讓幸福和祝福都升級的實驗,所以,這是一首很不一樣的歌,很婚禮,也很不婚禮,連我都很期待它的奇特發展。這首歌的製作,同樣也是一群無償的音樂人的貢獻,謝謝製作人吳俊徹,作曲者陳詩莉,演唱者LuLu,以及我的詞。

後天,就是他們大喜的日子,今晚正好是他們最後的單身情人節,此時Andy正去機場接他的弟弟和弟妹,他們特地來參加婚禮,原本昨天還說他們可能來不了,因為他們搭的是華航,班機取消了,還好,他們在快要放棄前搶到另一家航空的機票。

波折後的團圓總是幸福倍增,截稿前,爸爸突然說可以放他的照片了,他想通了,他認為只要往一切都是好事去想,一切就會很快樂。

情人節的晚上,你好嗎?獻給你這一次拍照中我最喜歡的一張照片,並祝全天下人都像照片中的爸爸一樣滿足、溫暖、包容。

《 待續 》

攝影:Katy

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:52 | 顯示全部樓層
《連載八 之七⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

新聞終於全面受到關注了,連守泉的親生媽媽都來電了。媽媽似乎有點在意守泉不告知他,但這個在意是非常溫柔的,她沒有真的生氣,很有耐心地聽著守泉說明原因,我猜,那時候媽媽一定有看到守泉的勇氣,一如她當年對婚姻的毅然決然放下,那個年代做那樣的決定,不管什麼原因,都是困難的,都需要很多勇氣來幫你撐。

她一定有看到守泉的不容易,所以,接著就祝福他們了。

我對守泉的媽媽的認識都來自守泉,所以很片面。在八年前,守泉第一次給我來信,我就知道,自從爸媽離婚,他再也沒有見過媽媽,那時他十一歲了。

後來會有轉折是有次我跟他說,如果我是媽媽,我也可能做跟她媽媽一樣的決定,因為不見面是更困難的決定,為何要不見面?有可能是因為怕孩子更痛苦,更難戒掉思母之苦。不然,根本不用完全不見,偶爾回去做好人就好了,既省事,又得到孩子的想念。

這個說法讓守泉⋯⋯終於放下,處女座的他要從一個多年鑽牛角尖的執著裡走出來是很不容易的,可見這是他們母子的緣份夠深,深到守泉跟我說,他媽媽想在二月十六號這天跟我聊聊,媽媽想讓我多多了解屬於她的那部分的故事。

我當然說好,這是可貴的機會,對於看故事的人來說,能有更多細節提供,我們閱讀人生的深度就會出現,我跟她約在苗栗週六中午碰面。

我跟守泉說,希望媽媽明天帶一張你們以前的照片,有合照最好,好想看看他們母子合照的樣子。

明天三點在苗栗火車站旁的「苗栗鐵道文物展示館」集合祝福的事,媽媽也說要參加,同時還有守泉的哥哥。我不知道明天會有多少人來,但確定各個地方都有人來,有人從花蓮、有人從屏東、有人從南投山上、有人從美國寄祝福影片給我⋯⋯面對如此美好的聚會,一切不必多想,只要放鬆前往,單純開心就好。

今天媒體的發酵,讓家人陸續出來說話了,我讓守泉和趙爸爸自己去面對,用最真實的心,最符合他們語言的表達,不用代表誰發言,只要傳達此刻的感受和想說出來的願望,希望這些影像和態度能帶給大家溫暖的感受,除了溫暖,其他都不重要。

明晚的婚宴,共三桌,沒有帖子,只有家人,沒有儀式,但很慎重,不知道為什麼,這場婚禮可能是我參加過的婚宴人數最少的,感受到的祝福卻是最多,我雖不是趙爸爸,但我懷疑我明天會哭,因為這一切我親眼目睹,我知道最耀眼的幸福都需要借助鍛鍊和奇蹟。

這一篇配上的照片是拍結婚照當天的大合照,照片裡每個穿黑色衣服的人都是守泉的大學同學,照片裡的他們好自然也好溫柔,他們很配合,我要女孩們去色誘Andy,她們照做,我要男生親男生女生親女生合照,他們也可以,他們這一代很懂這些動作的語言代表什麼,他們會做,表示他們支持這個指令,他們知道這個畫面要傳達的是拿下標籤,只是親吻,沒有別的慾望。

這些照片是攝影師Katy挑選的,她請大家注意那些意外的細部,比如歪掉的領帶,低頭的皺眉,誰挽了誰的手⋯⋯是感情深到家人的時候,這些細膩處才會浮現。

突然,心想:明天,媽媽會跟我說什麼故事呢?

《 待續 》

攝影Katy

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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 14:54 | 顯示全部樓層
本帖最後由 萍水相逢 於 2019-2-17 14:56 編輯

《連載八 之八⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

生命的進行,充滿未知,對於下午三點會有多少人到苗栗火車站集合,我沒有多想,我和守泉的媽媽約在餐廳邊吃飯邊聊,但全程卻是她說我聽,她說她吃過午飯了。

這次見面她有兩個目的,一是謝謝我給守泉無助時的幫助,不管在心靈上或支持上,都給他很正面的能量。二是,她希望我能轉告守泉,這些年她對守泉的心並無缺席,那些消失的時光,她只能專心穩住那時四分五裂的自己。她說,其實「不見」是更折磨的,她現在工作的地方是在馬路邊,在黑夜,很遠很遠就能看到她的店的招牌,霓虹閃亮⋯⋯她說,她的孩子都知道她在這裡上班,她也會想辦法繼續留在這家店工作,直到她的孩子都結婚,在此以前,她會讓孩子知道如果有什麼事需要她,她都在這裡。

晚上,回台北時,碰巧經過她工作的店,這家連鎖店的招牌在夜裡果然好耀眼,大大大大的紅星,拿來比喻母親的依靠,真的很傳神。

其實,下午三點後的一花一祝福的排隊人龍裡,有一個是她。她說她想低調的,像其他人一樣的排隊,她準備了很澎湃的捧花,他們一開始捧的那一大束就是媽媽準備的。看到她過去和守泉獻花和擁抱時,我才驚覺沒有人幫他們拍照,我根本來不及安排,然後,她就離去了。

這一幕,沒有留下紀錄,可能是天注定,但媽媽說她想在今天抱抱Andy和守泉,是她很渴望實現的心願,我相信她永遠忘不了這次的擁抱,這個忘不了是最好的底片。

這次獻花到最後,歷經三個小時,Andy體力真好。我很喜歡今天的氣氛,沒有安排,大家很自然很平常地聚在一起,連媒體都超友善,大概是被現場的力量感動了吧,大家都很為他人想,才能有那麼平靜的結果,謝謝苗栗給他們那麼大的同理心。

晚上的喜宴,大概有六桌,多了一些意外的親友,守泉以前的老師、大學同學們、看到新聞而來的親友⋯⋯但包廂裡只能有四桌,婚禮的儀式就是在包廂裡很簡單又隆重的進行。空間雖小,但大家慎重的神情宛如在大教堂裡,我在離他們最近的位子,所以負責拿麥克風,一面又要把這一幕拍下來,所以非常忙碌,關於宣誓這一段大家可以去我臉書看影片,我不再贅述。

這個故事連載到今天,只有八天,但在真實的時間裡是有八年的,我很高興我在每次碰面的緣份裡,都有付出的機會,而且,還串連了這麼動人的人生章節,我的幸運是超越守泉的,我得到的是完整是他幫我實現出來的。

他們在交換戒指的時候,我突然感受到一股很大的責任能量,他們都表情堅定的說願意,他們知道陪伴不是說說而已,更不是輕鬆的事,需要很大的信任與愛。

下午在媒體前,我還開玩笑說,那些恨同志的人都該鼓勵同志去結婚,那可不是一條很辛苦的路啊!或許,有人會問,既然結婚那麼容易辛苦,同志為何還要結?我那麼反對結婚,為何要來祝福?

我想,辛苦不是沒有意義的,只要在乎意義,辛苦就沒有什麼。我反對婚姻制度,不表示我不能祝福他們結婚,這是兩回事。

昨天我說我怕我會哭,結果下午看到他們向我走過來時,我差點就被發現哽咽了,哇,我沒想到我在這件事上有那麼深的感觸。謝謝大家幫我完成這個計畫。

最後,我要跟大家說,我忘了很重要的一件事,就是⋯⋯我居然忘了親趙爸爸!不過,遺憾是給人最好的延續,讓人持續地叨叨念念這個沒有實現的願望。

晚安

《完》

祝福
不用急
可以明天的明天的明天以後再收到

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發表於 2019-2-17 16:29 | 顯示全部樓層
這篇故事

我第一次認真看完全部文章

很感動

我真的很喜歡那張黑白親爸爸的照片

拍得好棒
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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 16:49 | 顯示全部樓層
BAPE 發表於 2019-2-17 16:29
這篇故事

我第一次認真看完全部文章

看完他們的故事後我也是很感動,所以要珍惜身邊所有的人啊!
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發表於 2019-2-17 17:56 | 顯示全部樓層
萍水相逢 發表於 2019-2-17 14:54
《連載八 之八⋯⋯⋯給明天的祝福》

生命的進行,充滿未知,對於下午三點會有多少人到苗栗火車站集合,我 ...

主角和家人都很勇敢
年輕吧 ?!!
想做就勇敢做
未來兩人還有很多需要面對的
相互包容
愛才有力量
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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-17 21:23 | 顯示全部樓層
小丸子 發表於 2019-2-17 17:56
主角和家人都很勇敢
年輕吧 ?!!
想做就勇敢做

在臺灣這種環境氛圍下,一般人選擇迴避的事,他們選擇面對,真的很有勇氣!
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發表於 2019-2-18 00:01 來自手機 | 顯示全部樓層
我覺得台灣社會是屬於「移民社會」,也是族群融合的地方,更是宗教多元的國家,所以台灣社會比較能夠包容新的事物。
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 樓主| 發表於 2019-2-18 07:54 | 顯示全部樓層
阿姑 發表於 2019-2-18 00:01
我覺得台灣社會是屬於「移民社會」,也是族群融合的地方,更是宗教多元的國家,所以台灣社會比較能夠包容新 ...

臺灣人.......怎麼說呢?  大部份的人仍然是感情的動物,只要訴之以情,動之以理,許多事情還是能接受的!
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發表於 2019-2-21 11:29 | 顯示全部樓層
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